Mass Effect 1 RETOLD
by Watermelom
Summary: New Zealand goes through Mass Effect


Note seeing as fan fiction needs a rating of K for all audiences I have had to change all of the swearing from this story thanks a lot fan fiction.

So you are some New Zealand guy sent to Eden Prime because you are a shepard and everyone knows sheep are in new zealand

So you go to save some place called eden prime

and then some very bad person kills a team member

anyways you find pieces of smelly thing turning the colonists into bad word husks

on spikes

cause they are very evil

so

You kill mother lovers until you meet ashley

And you are all "like female dog come with me"

and she does

you kill more mother lovers with a gun thats as effective as a lawnmower used by a dentist

Then there is some turian mother lover sent to watch you in the field or some smelly thing

I think he's a very bad person and he sees another turian called Saren

So Sarens all like "wasp"

and he's all like "sup"

and then Saren kills that mother lover

anyways

You find some prothean artifact which is the reason the not nice word people were attacking in the first place

so

You get knocked out by it and given visions

so

smelly thing happens and you go to the citadel

anyways

the mother lover at the citadel are all like "your from New Zealand"

And you are like "no I am New Zealand"

So you tell them "Saren is a really bad person"

They say "no I don't think so you got no evidence he is spectre"

So you are all like "very bad word"

so you find Garrus and team up with him to take Saren down

Later you meet Wrex some bounty hunter mother lover who says go find some quarian

So you find Tali

and then go "wasp"

"where my info"

And you use that info to get Saren exploded and un spectred and you become first humen spectre

humen kind

"yay"

so you fly off to find a prothean expert

called Liara

so you're all like "female dog your mother is evil"

And she is all like "but is not me take me i'm trapped"

so you free her with some smelly word and then she goes on your ship an reads your mind

or something

sees the bad wording visions

because she can

so

So anyways some place is over run by mother lovers

you go there

So you are all like "why you being a person"

and they all like "go kill these evil people"

and you are all like "not nice word sake windows and lawnmowers where are they"

so you go

And find the female dogs mother

and you kill her

Because you can

And then are told about some smelly word called indoctrination

Anyways

shes all like "I was indoctrinated because he was very silly and Saren is indoctrinated because he's not a nice word not so smart look a queen"

so you talk to the rachni queen

and are all like "you could die or be not killed and free"

I freed the female dog because it helps me later

so you leave

and then smelly thing happens like some green asari idiot and things

and then more gun sounds

the moon has a rogue ai

called edi

but they don't tell you that until 3

but it's all cool now

anyways back to the next story you fly around in circles many times and then land on some place and realise you must go to place to stop the evil allens btw it's allens not aliens and robot thingys

and the council grounds you

And you are all like "but council"

"mother lovers will destroy us"

a little before that Saren had a cure for the genophage I almost forgot

you can kill Wrex or tell him "he's a not very smart person" and he realises you are right

so the only logical thing was to blow up the facility leaving behind Ashley or Kaiden

So you save Ashley because censored

and shoot at saren for a little

and then after that he's all like "I'm going to run away like a little female dog"

anyways you get grounded

moving forward like Julia Gillard

You then get ungrounded because Anderson punches Udina

And then you chase Saren and find a prothean vi

he says "all these things that were life pods that we shut off and all these protheans died and stuff"

and that "there is a portal to the citadel"

so you ramp off the building and do a backflip and landed love changing tenses in the middle of a sentence

Anyways you go through the teleportal and shoot at geth in no gravity

fighting on a giant wall that for some reason has cover

you go around yell at Saren make him shoot himself

And then he turns into evil robot reaper thingy

and you kill him

and then you decide if you want to let the council die or save the council because they are all fighting a reaper

Sarens ship is a reaper btw you talk to him earlier he's all like "I kill you because i can lol"

and then later you destory him I saved the council because paragon

and then they are all like "who should be the political mother lover here"

and I was like "you're not a very nice word Udina I pick Anderson"

"time to go fight reapers"

"goodbye"

and then it ends

because it can

I hope you enjoyed and understood the retelling of mass effect 1

Have a nice day everyone except you neighbours go you are a very bad word


End file.
